I started to write this in Finnish but I guess I’m just so used to writing my blog in English now that it didn’t really come naturally 😀 Anyway, tomorrow it has been a month since I arrived in Australia. However, it feels like so much longer, probably because a lot has happened.
When I first came here I thought I wouldn’t have any expectations about my life here. It was kind of exciting to just leave life as I knew it behind and not know where I’m gonna work, whom I’m gonna meet and what my days are gonna look like here. But I’ve come to realise that I still had an image of my life here in my head and some kind of expectations. I thought that my mindset is gonna change to a more relaxed one when I’m here, and that adjusting to this new environment will be quite easy for me. And I also thought meeting new people would not be too difficult, because after all, I’m in Australia.
Well how do I feel after a month here?
I feel like I’m a little bit all over the place.
Every other day I’m ready to move back to Helsinki, just because I miss being inside my comfort zone all the time, and then every other day I’m so freakishly happy I’m here, and even just the early morning sunlight makes me the happiest person in the world. And sometimes I’m walking down a street just a big smile on my face and unable to truly understand I really live here.
It’s probably very normal to have all these mixed feelings. Maybe it would be different if I already had my life figured out here. I mean if I had a job I genuinely loved and felt like I was working towards a goal I’m passionate about, or if I was studying here and met likeminded people at uni. But the truth is that at the moment the only things that make me feel like home here are my boyfriend and our home.
It’s also my first time ever living abroad. And even though I consider myseld being very fluent in English, I find myself struggling a lot. For example, when people don’t understand some words because of my accent, I get very frustrated, and almost upset. And it actually is very overwhelming and it takes quite a lot of energy to try adjust to a completely new environment and speak in my non native language all day every day.
Then because I find it quite overwhelming, I want to give myself time to feel comfortable and at home here. So I haven’t really tried to be very social yet. For example it probably would be a good idea to contact some other Finns living in Sydney to meet new people and possibly make friends with them. But I just don’t have the energy for that and then the same time I almost want to beat myself up because I feel like I should be social and I already should have a social circle here. And it’s weird being a very unsocial person without a single friend here after coming from Helsinki, where I lived with friends and would meet up with people multiple times a week.
And also because I’m here on the other side of the world I feel like it’s a crime to just stay home and do nothing. Especially because I’m in Australia where sun seems to shine almost every day. Back in Finland I was known to skip all the parties cause I wanted to spend time alone, and here I really struggle at enjoying my alone time. Maybe because most of the time I am alone. And I, out of all the people, have started to suffer from FOMO!! Probably just because I love having lots of people around and here I’m just wondering what is everyone else doing. And I feel like I should see and experience as much as possible now that I’m here, even though it’s totally okay if I haven’t travelled all around Australia during the first couple of months. But maybe it’s a bit different for me than for people who come here just for a year or two, and I think I really should stop all the stalking and comparing I’m doing on social media.
Maybe I should be more worried if I didn’t have any doubts or if I didn’t miss home at all. And the reality is, that I’m kind of trying to build a new identity for myself here. Because back in Finland I would have identified myself as a political science student and as everything I enjoyed doing regularly and through the people I spent the most time with. And all those things are kind of behind me at the moment and I really don’t know what I want to do or be. Especially now in the beginning, when everything is new, I’ve needed to sort out lots of things, I’m still adjusting, and there’s not much time for normal everyday activities. So in order to feel more like home and more like ”myself”, I know I should put more time into the things I enjoy the most and the things that make me “me”. First step will be singing up to a yoga studio near us this week. And putting more time into my normal wellness stuff that I really enjoy doing and sharing here with you.
I hope you’re not getting a very negative vibe out of this post. Because obviously I’m happy where I am at the moment. I just somehow thought it would have been easier to get started here. And because I’m such a short tempeder and impatient person, I struggle at giving time to myself and except having everything sorted out in a week after moving on the other side of the world.
At the moment I’m at work, having lunch outside in 34 degrees enjoying the sunshine. And sunshine is something that will always make me happy. And when I’m thinking about how nice and cozy life in Helsinki would be, I just need to remind myself of its’ awful weather. And the fact that it’s been my dream for such a long time to live in Australia and that I’m finally here.
But yes, everything comes with a trade off. Even though Sydney is such a beautiful and vibrant city, where I’m very happy to live the first years of my life here in Australia, I honestly can’t wait to move somewhere more quiet. An efficient public transport system would also be cool. You know the kind that takes you wherever you want in less than 1 hour. But let’s not get to that now.
Anyway, at the end of the day we all know that only you can make yourself happy. And it all comes from within. And what I need at the moment, is probably just a change in my mindset and lots more yoga!
P.S. Our home is starting to be ready! Just waiting for a giraffe poster I decided to order from somewhere as near to us as Sweden 😀